A Person Who Matters to Me
I care about my friend Ben. What I like about Ben is that he is funny and he likes hunting, just like me. He likes playing soccer and he likes playing baseball too! Where ever we go people think we look alike so they call us twins. They say “ Are you brothers, cousins, related at all?” Ben has been my friend since we were babies. We went to the same preschool. We have so much fun with each other and we still do. He comes to my house a lot to drive the golf cart. I got the golf cart at my Dad's work, it was only a little bit of money. Every time Ben came over we would ride in the golf cart. It is fun but also very dangerous. At my house there is a curve, and if you turn there fast you could flip over. It is scary,and we have to go very slow.On the dirt road the golf cart can kick up dust. I go to his house and we play video games, like the jet gun game. Sometimes we laugh during the game. Ben loves wrestling and I love it too! Ben is my best friend. I will always be Ben’s best friend forever.
Hey Connor!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your draft, because it shows how much you really like your friend Ben, and why. I really liked that you gave so many examples of why Ben is your best friend, and how much fun you two have together. I was really able to connect to what you were saying because I have a few best friends as well, and we do most everything together.
What I noticed in your writing is you have some sentences which could be strung together with commas, for example, when you talk about what sports you and Ben both love to do. Also, when you say: “‘Are you brothers, cousins, related at all?’” You might want to add a conjunction, to make the sentence flow better.
Your last sentence what great, it was a nice way to end the piece.
Talk to you soon,
Melissa