The first time I ever rode my unicycle across the whole entire deck I was psyched! I practiced with my cousin Hannah, and we were taking turns. I held Hannah’s arm and was helping her balance. She got kind of far. When it was my turn I put the unicycle on the deck. It was much smoother than the lawn. I had to lean against the wall and put my foot on the pedal and I tried again and again. I was getting wobbly but my mom caught me and pushed me back up. I didn’t fall and I felt happy because I didn’t fail. I pushed the pedals and went forward. It felt like I had a snake crawling up my spine and I pedaled as fast as I could again and grabbed onto the house. I jumped off and my mom cheered! I felt bad because my dad wasn’t there to see it, he was at the dentist. By the time my dad came back from the dentist it was too dark for me to show him.I practiced more and then I felt proud of myself. I am already good enough to ride my unicycle in parades. I rode my unicycle in the Sparkle Parade in Freeport, and I got to do a halftime show for the Maine Red Claws. It felt good!
Monday, October 25, 2010
The First Time I Ever Rode My Unicycle by Ashton
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Well, Ashton. For one, I think that riding a unicycle is a great pass time. You had really good descriptions, I especially liked when you said “it felt like a snake was crawling up my spine.” As I was reading, I wondered if Hannah was afraid to ride it. I also wondered if you rode the unicycle for your dad when he came home from the dentist.
ReplyDeleteWow, that must take a lot of balance and practice! Did you always want to ride or was this all a random event? Also, where would you ride your unicycle? I know I’d ride it everywhere!
I did notice that some of your sentences were short, and could be put together with commas, or other sentence connectors. For example, when you said “I didn’t fall. I felt happy because I didn’t fail,” you could maybe say something like “I didn’t fall, and so I felt happy because I didn’t fail.”
Over all, this is a really interesting and fun piece of work. Good start, Ashton!!
-Bre
Hello again, Ashton. I'd like to comment on your revisions to your unicycle story.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you added that your dad came home too late to watch you ride. It gave the story a piece that was missing, and helped with your plot.
Also, you wrapped up the entire thing with the bit about you being able to ride in parades!
You did a good job on combining your short sentences. Over all, your editing was spot-on.
Keep up the good work,
-Bre