I’m getting a dog. It is going to be a Sharpei. My dog’s name is going to be Sancho. Sharpei's are so cute. They don’t get that big. I am so happy. My dad is getting my dog. My dog is going to be black. I think it is going to be a fun dog to play with. He'll probably need a ball and some chewy things.I have to be responsible for everything my dog does. I have to feed him and take him for walks. But I’m alright with it because if I don’t take care of my dog it might get sick . I would be very sad. But I’m getting it in the spring.
I enjoyed reading your draft, Hannah. I was really able to connect to this piece because it reminded me of the time when my family welcomed a new dog.
ReplyDeleteIt was smart of you to include the detail that your dog is going to be a Sharpei. Because I’ve never seen a Sharpei, I wonder what one looks like. Maybe this is an area you could add more detail, and that would help create a clearer image in my mind. What makes them so cute, for example? You mention that you’ll have to be responsible for everything the dog does. That sounds like a lot of work! What will some of your responsibilities be? That might be another area in which you could add detail.
One of my favorite phrases in your piece is this one: “But I’m alright with it...” I can really hear your voice in that phrase.
I have one last suggestion. To wrap up your piece, you might craft an ending sentence that summarizes how you feel about getting a new dog.
Thank you for sharing this piece, Hannah! I enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to your revised draft!
Sincerely,
Cassie
Great revisions, Hannah!
ReplyDelete