Monday, December 6, 2010
Green Bugs
I have a green bug, with six legs, and small slit eyes. His eyes are green too! He has an enormous head with tiny antenaes that stand straight up. His name is Jack. He always sleeps in my lunch box. He is annoying and jumpy. He always likes to bother me by making "aaahhh" noises. Every day he doesn't care if I pull his head, he likes me. He jumps on my desk and sometimes he sleeps in my backpack or sleeps in my front pocket.It sure is fun having a friend like him.
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Dom,
ReplyDeleteYour green bug story is awesome. I really enjoyed it!
I really like the way you went into the things that you do with him because it adds to your voice in the piece. It also makes it amusing and cheery. Especially when you described him as “jumpy and annoying”, and then go on to describe him as a fun friend to have. I smiled.
When I was in 4th grade, I had a small “pet” (it was just a stray bird I kept in my back yard) bird named Cupcake. He liked to jump too because he was too small to fly.
I noticed you didn’t mention what kind of bug it is. Maybe you should try going into that, or maybe just what he looks like, to give the readers more of a visual. You did an excellent job!
- Cassie
Great corrections, Dom!
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