One day when I was walking to the bus I met a kid named Caleb. He had black hair and a white shirt, black pants and colorful shoes. I saw him when I got on the bus. He was 8 years old, and I watched him laughing and being nice to the other kids on the bus.
Hey Dom, I remember you reading this to me on our Skype call. It's coming along well. You should try adding phrases that describe what the main character thinks Caleb is like. "He seemed nice to me" or "he told jokes, but I didn't really think they were funny." It would give us as readers a lens to see Caleb through.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work, Dom! As always, you're doing great.
- Cassie