We just drove really far in the snow. Cole hit a footprint and he flipped it and landed on his wheels.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Realistic Fiction and Character Development
rrrr.. "Oh man Cole, get my remote control car!" Ashton yelled. flippp... rrrr.....aww. "Hey want to race?" Ashton asked Cole. hummmmmm "I win" said Ashton. His car had just climbed a snow drift. "cool" Ashton said and jumped off the drift. Cole man car's flipped into the snow. Cole had just saved my car in the luck of time. Ashton was jumping when it happened.
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Ashton,
ReplyDeleteYou used an interesting style of writing. I could see the story and action that was taking place.
I did notice some things you may want to look at, though. For starters, keep in mind that the beginning of sentences should always be capitalized. Also, you should always address your characters the same way all the way through. Never say "I" or "my" when you're in third person.
Your characters were difficult to follow at times. Sometimes I didn't know what was happening in between what was being said.
I'd work on letting your characters have more to them, more personality, and more things that make them different.
This is a very cool story, and I know you're able to write more to it to make it easier to understand.
I can't wait to see what you add to it, Ashton!
-Bre