My name is Izzie. When I was three years old, I was in a horse show. My cousin Mia also was in the horse show with me when she was 9 years old. It was at the Topsham Fair Mall. It was so cool for my grandmother to make a book about the horse show for my Mom for her birthday. I got a red ribbon when I won. I don't have it anymore, I don't think, anyway. Our horses names are Max and Julie. Max passed away a few years ago. It was sad. I didn't have a nice time that day because he was my horse. I won first place and Mia got second place. “Good for you,” Mia said. “I am sorry to be the winner,” said Izzie. “It's okay, I have to deal with it because of my brother. He won once,” said Mia.
I really liked reading your story about Izzie! You did a good job of using many details to explain how the horse show went. I know you are working on character devolopment, and I like how you said your character was 3 years old, and you even added how she felt when Max passed away.
ReplyDeleteWhen we talked on Skype last time, you had a very detailed description of your character Izzie: what she looked like, and what she likes to do. I think you could improve your story a lot by describing your character more, and maybe adding her feelings more often. Was she nervous at the horse show? Was she excited when she won first place?
This is an awesome first draft Bella! My favorite part is the dialogue (talking) between Izzie and Mia at the end. It shows the personalities of your characters, how they are nice and not stuck up or mean. It is always good to have dialogue in your fiction stories, and you did a really great job of writing yours. I look forward to talking to you again on Skype!
Sincerely,
Sarah