Snowboarding
The Lamar’s, our neighbors, have a grandson named Alex. Whenever he visits we play. Once, we went to Foreside Hill to snowboard down the hill. When we went there, me, Alex, and Mrs. Lamar talked in the car. When we got there, we had to trudge through the snow to get to the hill. Then we finally got to the hill, Alex sat down on a tree stump. He than said “I’m...so...tired.” With every pause he took a deep breath in and out. I said “Come on! You ready?!” He said “Not...yet.” When we started going down, I was so excited. “Wooooo!” I said as I went down the hill. “Yeah!” Then I wiped out. It was awesome! Alex’s snowboard went slower and farther than mine, so he didn’t wipe out as much. “You done?” I said. “No.” Said Alex. Then we continued. I went down on my back, stomach, and side. Sometimes, I even lost the board! It was so fun! Until we left. On the way back, we talked. We could hear the snowboards banging together in the back. When we got back, we unloaded the snowboards and I told mom about my day.
Devin, once again you have created a great piece of work. I really enjoyed this story, because I think snowboarding is so much fun. You used great details in your story, and had good use of dialogue. I almost felt like I was there. There were only a few grammatical errors that I found and I would try to include some more details about your friend Alex. Also some details about Forside Hill, the place you went snowboarding. These details would make your story even better. Overall great story!
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