My Dog Jax
by Emma
Last week it was cold and dark. I went to see Santa at Cringleville. When I went in Santa called my name. I walked over to him, Mrs. Claus had a puppy. When Santa asked if I wanted the puppy I said, “yes!” When Mrs. Claus gave me the puppy I was so excited. Santa also told me about the puppy. He said that the puppy was a Britney Spaniel and it was one year old and it was homeless too. The dogs name was Jax. He is a good dog. My Mom and me walk Jax every day. He plays tug-o-war with me and I also feed him his food which is called Taste of the Wild. He really likes it. He has to eat 1 ½ cups and 2 times a day. He loves to eat treats all the time. I love him very much. He likes bones with peanut butter in it. I try and walk him every time I can. He plays fetch with me all the time. We like to play tug-o-war too. I let him win every time we play. This year Santa brought Jax a stocking, in the stocking was a toy squirrel because Jax is a hunting dog so he tends to chase after birds and squirrels. Then my Mom said that we were going on a vacation in Florida with her friend Lisa and her 5 year old daughter Abigail. I said I would miss Jax but I would still go. So on the day we had to leave I gave Jax the biggest hug and said goodbye. A week passed and I came back and Jax was so happy to see me and my Mom. He gave us hundreds of kisses.
Emma,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like another good story to me. The way that you include so many ideas makes your story very intestering. It takes the reader from idea to idea and keeps the reader hooked.
While having all of these ideas makes your story interesting, you may want to tell more about each idea. If you do this, the story won't be as confusing when it is read. Right now I don't really see any connection between your ideas.
Areas where you may want to write more is when you say "The dogs name was Jax. He is a good dog." Did you buy him, or was he given to you? Did Santa help you get him? Also, when you say, "...Jax is a hunting dog so he tends to chase after birds and squirrels. Then my Mom said that we were going on a vacation in Florida...", I wonder how long is was between the time when Jax started playing with his toy and when your mom told you about your trip to Florida.
We'll talk more soon. Great job so far! Keep it up, Emma.
Kyle