I was eating ice cream and sitting at a picnic table at Lake Shore-Lunch. We came in our boat from our camp. When we were heading back to camp, Ella, my sister, was sitting in the front of the bout and making my dad hit waves. So did I. Whenever my dad hit a wave, my sister yelled “weee, this is fun!” When we got back to our camp, my cousins, Austin, Carter, Collin, Justin, Taylor, Ella, and me decided to go swimming. We swam out to our launch pad, a floating trampoline. What we do on the launch pas is push each other off. I came up behind Taylor when he was gong to do a dive and I pushed him off. Hat night we had a campfire. “Can I have two s’mores?” I asked. My dad answered “After I had two s’mores.” I went over to put my crayfish trap in the water. “Make sure to tie it tightly.” Justin Said. “Fourteen!” I said to my cousin Carter. I just caught 14 crayfish in my trap, it was early in the morning and only me and Carter were outside.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
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Dear Lucas, what a writter you are becoming. Your first sentence blew me away with "setting"! Just a few things to consider: "When we were heading back to camp, Ella, my sister, was sitting in the front of the boat and making my dad hit waves" Maybe you can add on a little for example how did Ella exactly make your dad hit waves. Was it a big boat, a conoe, a sailboat? Beleive it or not just small details like these create large images in poeple's brains. We all love ice cream or at least most of us and like you have told me in the past, your favrote is cherry/vanilla??? Maybe add that in the first line to make your sentence not only look good but taste good too! By the way were the s'mores any good? Were they full of Soft, warm, melted-rich choclate, that scremed mmm mmm good every bite, or was it scorchet and the first bite you took, did it leave a horrific taste that only spitting it right back out would be more plesent then chewing on the rusty blackness of burnt marshmellow. Remember everything you go through in life is full of detail, trying to write it all down is impossible but geting the detail that sticks out the most are the details that count the most in any literature.
ReplyDeleteFood for thought:
Think detail, what would you want, a regular ice cream, or a vanilla ice cream drenched with carmel, hot fudge, and springles that crunch softly in your mouth. Your choice.
Your friend Morgan